This is the one post I’d written in my head hundreds of times, but never published until today — World Cancer Day. I’ve recently faced and conquered blood cancer, and here’s my story.
During the past year leading up to treatment, I did have my share of anxiety-ridden moments, such as the days leading up to the first round of chemo (taken in pill form for my particular brand of cancer), and then the night before my first IV infusion, a monoclonal antibody named Rituximab, meant to work together with Fludarabine.
And I’m also thinking back to my first infusion, when things went pretty horribly after I reacted to the first bump up of dosage, and spent eight hours at the BC Cancer Centre in order to finish the bag of Rituximab.
So what did I do all those months before, during, and after treatment? I kept life as normal as possible (with the exception of travel – that one had to wait it out for awhile). Events came and went, I stayed strong going to the gym, writing kept me focused on the present, and on the afternoons where a little nap felt welcome, I closed the laptop and went to lie down.
Shutting down and balancing the numerous events around town and stories that were spinning inside my brain with rest was the key to keeping my energy balance throughout the past nine months. Saying no to several more events became necessary.
Let’s backtrack even further: how did I know I even had Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL)? About five years ago, I was given a particular drug to treat a small, entirely unrelated health issue. When I noticed a severe allergic reaction to that medication, my husband and I went to hospital to have it investigated. I was given Benadryl and the reaction went away a couple of days later. Our family doctor however requested that I go in for a blood test for reassurance.
That first blood test came back with a red flag, prompting a more thorough blood test. And that more detailed result one showed the first signs of CLL. I was also told that I’d probably had it in my system for at least seven years.
I was assigned to a hematologist, and then a second one (both have since retired). As CLL is a slow-growing cancer of the white blood cells, it’s basically monitored through periodic blood tests. In the winter of 2012, the rate of doubling of the cells was at the point where treatment was discussed, and in summer of 2013, I began six months of chemotherapy.
[My first infusion, the one that would go wrong after 45 minutes due to allergic reaction]
This all has a happy outcome. I am now in remission and have kept spirits up all the way through. And this fall, I will be walking with a white lantern as a SURVIVOR in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Canada Light the Night Walk (I’d been invited to participate last October, but my mind wasn’t ready to be part of something I was working through, even though the fundraising would have been welcome).
UPDATE: My CLL is no longer considered in remission and we’re going through options now to discuss an upcoming second course of treatment. I remain hopeful yet realize that this is an indolent disease that needs a stronger kick in the butt. I will not let it define me, nor keep me from enjoying a healthy, happy, and balanced quality of life.
[February 2015, Vancouver]
UPDATE #2: I’m currently on daily medication to keep CLL in remission. I started a new drug in November 2014. My energy is great and my body is used to the drug (I did have mild side effects for the first few weeks and have to watch what I eat as heartburn is a common side effect I’ve unfortunately experienced).
I haven’t any way to end this story in particular, other than to advise everyone to get their blood checked regularly, as well as to raise awareness for cancer and the wonderful world of modern medicine with the technology to make it possible to live many, many years beyond the disease.
And as for that FUCK CANCER saying? I don’t buy it. We could also say FUCK heart disease or FUCK diabetes. We’re all prone to disease, and cancer is just an easy one to get angry at, simply because we can’t pin down what exactly causes particular cells to clock in and get going about their business (other than smoking).
I’ve taken a good look at my health and have learned to say no and to step away from excess.
