giant stack of resumes

As a small design business, I get a healthy amount of resumes sent my way, whether from students, recent graduates, newly-transplanted folks from all corners of the globe, or someone trying to help me out by offering an extra talent.

This afternoon, I was sent the most ridiculous letter, and thought, why not share it with my readers? Depending on your mood, you might find it worth a chuckle. Maybe you’ve got an even “classier” letter to share. And yes, the subject of the message was “hello!”.

Ready or not, here it is:

Message: Hello!

I was thinking because your company hires employees and because I make a perfect employee, we would be a great match! I am skilled in all areas of design from print, drawing and illustration, character design, logos, branding, photo retouch and photography. When using typography I do not always gravitate towards Helvetica, amazing no? My strong suit has always been my outstanding communication, people and interpersonal skills. They are second to none. I am fun as well as professional and driven. I work well on my own or as a part of a team.

So, you need someone to work in your place of business and that fits perfectly with my background of working in a place of business! …And why would you want to hire me specifically? I love food, eating is a habit I’ve been developing since birth. I’ve also got loads of other bills and genuinely love being able to pay them! If I wasn’t working for you, I would spend all my free time on my computer designing and creating anyways so you see why this makes sense. You can see I am very motivated and will enjoy working for you immensely!

Please let me know where I may send you a copy of my enthusiastic resume. I would be more than happy to present my portfolio in person so I could walk you through my unique design process and explain the motivation and inspiration behind all my ideas!

…hire me… hire me…hire me…

Super Brenda

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